You know its been... (Long vent post)

You know its been tooooo long in between posts when you ended your last one with Justin turning in an application with cedar and starting this one with they finally have there tests this week...

I'm not sure if it's a timing thing or if heaven fathers just got a different plan for Justin. I hope we can really figure things out this year and find something different if that's what the plan ultimately is.

We put on offer on a house Friday. The market in cedar really sucks and I'm starting to think we'll never be able to own again. Which sucks because I hate renting... At least in this trailer thing, but I know I should be grateful for a roof over my head. Anyways they came back the next day saying there was another offer so even though we offered asking price they want the best offer by Tuesday. I'm keeping a prayer in my heart and trying to figure out what to do. At this point even though it's in Enoch, which we didn't want to move out there AT ALL we both feel there is more pro's then con's.... We will go talk with our lender Monday and run numbers hopefully to help with the decision.

I don't know if it's just being pregnant or what but I'm starting to be dead up quick with people and back to feeling like we're back at ground 0... "Almost ten years of treating someone like you would like to be treated, in an effort to get them to think of someone other then themselves is to the point of it all going down the drain."
It's so frustrating, I know he was raised different then me but come on!! It would be nice to be a first thought then an after thought. And maybe that's just the hormones but I miss the way he was when we dated, I think if he were to take a test about me he would fail and the questions I would miss on are the ones I've asked and gotten an I don't know for an answer.... I mean normally a wife knows a hisbands favorite meal/ dinner, I don't because my answer is always I don't know... For everything!

Also I'm thankful for having a phone that I can keep connected with family and friends so easy and be able to write blogs on. There's been several times though that I'm just sitting there in the room we'll my husband stars at his phone... Only taking to me about something that he disagrees with that's not even reluctant and only cause stress and anger over NOTHING... 😶🔫

I started trying to do some kind of scripture "reading" with Bristol this week to try and move on a better direction.. Also tried family prayer mornings and I think we made it twice at night this week. I missed Thursday because I had been running late and in the hopes Justin would say hey we missed and try to help out in the mornings to help, but no comment from the peanut galley. At least I could see a difference... Maybe Bristol and I will have to do a driving prayer on the way to grandma's in the morning.

I joined a new Facebook group for LDS mom's supporting mom's and its made Facebook less down and nasty... Its so nice to see so much help and kindness from strangers.

Now before I end I know I'm no angle... I'm on my phone to much and I have had a bad potty mouth lately so I'm putting it out there that I do have a long way to get my light back and I'm working on it with my heavenly father to find and get back to who I know I am.

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